Presby-Musings

I started my day today by skimming the New York Times headlines, and the news didn't look good.  We're at war, oil prices are surging, there are sharp political battles over the future of democracy, our government is in chaos, and things generally look bleak.  A line from the Beatles' "A Day In The Life" went through my head: "I heard the news today, oh boy..."  It's enough to make even the most optimistic person feel a little concerned.   Some days it's harder than others to simply go about business as usual without worrying about what comes next.  But it's precisely in these moments that we need to learn what it means to hold defiantly to hope.   We need to learn that in times like these—when headlines are heavy with conflict, when leaders sow division more easily than peace, and when the future can feel uncertain—it is tempting to let despair take root. The noise of the world can be overwhelming. Yet the call of the Christian life has neve...

The air conditioning in the house I am renting has been out since last Friday.  Last night it was in the mid-80s in my bedroom, and I had yet another night without decent sleep.  I have to take at least two cold showers a day because I'm sweating so much even when I'm still.  The property management company can't move forward with repairs because the owner hasn't approved them for going on three days now.   So, I've not been able to muster much love for my new landlord.  You might say that we have gotten off to a very rocky start, and I've begun fantasizing about showing up at their house (If I knew the address) to picket or demand to stay in their guest room.   But I got to thinking about it a bit more deeply (from the cool confines of my church office), and I wondered what it would be like to lead with love in this situation.  I imagined that there might be circumstances the owner and their family were dealing with, and that a costly repair...

Over the past few years, I've had more than my share of low moments when I wondered if I would ever be able to find joy and happiness again, to feel like myself, or at least the self that I believed myself to be.  I'd always been a glass-half-full kind of person, trying to see possibilities where others see obstacles.  I had big dreams and crazy ideas that often became amazing realities.  I felt such joy and excitement about the future; I didn't dread it.  But that changed somewhere along the way during what became the most difficult time of my life.  And despite all my efforts, I didn't think I'd ever find my way back to that person I remembered being.  Thankfully, I have found him again.  I went through hell to get to him, but here we are.  In the end, it all came down to a discovery I made about what it means to live less selfishly, to focus more on how I could serve others, and to let go of my desire for control.  I'm still figuring this ...

My middle son, Jackson, drove down from Arkansas to Austin to hang out with me at my new place for the weekend and go through piles of his belongings from our old house to see what he wanted to take back with him.   We went through the bags and boxes together, and created a pile for Goodwill and another for what he wanted to keep.   The Goodwill pile quickly became quite large, and I watched as Jackson methodically went through his things, determining what would make the cut.  He would hold up items and say, "I love this, but I can't justify keeping it."   As we worked, I was struck by how difficult it is at times to let things go in our lives.  Not only do we cling to possessions, but we also cling to habits, desires, beliefs, practices, and much more that can keep us not only bogged down in the past, but also limited in how we can move forward.  Richard Rohr once wrote, “We do not think ourselves into new ways of living; we live ourselves i...

This has been a very long week.  I've been moving all week long, and I'm nearly done with clearing everything out of my old house.  I've climbed more stairs this week than I have in the past two years, and I'm banged up a bit.   I jammed my pinkie the other day, and now it doesn't work that well.  I slammed a door on my finger yesterday.  I've hit my shins more than I can count on one thing or another.  And through sheer bumbling, I've broken a few belongings, which made me feel awful.  The negative tape recording in my head has been playing nonstop.  "You're such an idiot!" "Why did you do that?" "Can't you do anything right?" "That was a stupid move."  There's a lot more to go with those, but most of it isn't fit for print.   This morning, I'm reflecting on all of that as I seek to reframe the last few days.  I believe that far too many of us have more of those kinds of dialogues with our inner vo...

This past Sunday, I felt a palpable energy in the room as my church gathered for worship.  As I walked around the room before everything started, I greeted people, introduced myself to visitors, and checked in on folks I hadn't seen in a bit.   I love seeing the people from my faith family together.  There's a selfish part of me that wants to see every row filled, every seat taken, but I also know that in the world we inhabit, it's hard to get everyone there all at once.   The fact is, I've realized that even if I weren't the pastor, I'd still want to show up on Sundays at my church.  It's the kind of place I want to be, and the people I want to be with.  I need the comfort and encouragement. I  need the support and fellowship.   The world around us is hard enough, but it's made more bearable knowing I am not alone.   We all know that there are seasons in life when the world feels unsteady—when headlines unsettle us, when ...

I'm down to the last few loads of belongings to move from my old house to my new one. Throughout the moving process, I've had to make decisions about what would be moved and what would be sold or donated.   Turns out, there was a lot of stuff that didn't make the move.  I completed my 16th trip to Goodwill yesterday, and already I'm thinking that number might rise to 18 before I'm done.   I am also not entirely sure where everything is at the new house.  It's going to take a lot of unpacking, and I'm already realizing that some of the things I moved are probably going to need to go after all.   Last night, I started thinking about how all of this moving is kind of a metaphor for what I went through when I began deconstructing my faith and beliefs.  It started with a realization that what I had believed about my faith no longer worked.   I had to get rid of a lot of ideas that weren't going to make the journey, and even on the other ...

Last night I was more tired than I have been in a very long time.  My entire house was (mostly) moved to my new house, and with the rain and some unforeseen complications, it took nearly 10 hours.  Then, after all was said and done, I had to go back to my old house to get all my bedding and a bunch of other things, so I fully loaded my Ford Bronco once more, and then trudged another thousand steps or more to get it unloaded.  By the time my bed was made and I  was ready to climb in it, I was so exhausted that the thought of getting up and writing a Devo seemed like an impossible task.  I told my fiancée about this, and she said, "Why don't you write about that?" So I did.  Only this morning I'm rested, clear-headed, and about to drink my second cup of coffee because at the last minute I remembered to bring my coffee maker over last night.  And I've been thinking about the power of rest, and how infrequently most of us allow ourselves to embrace it....

I'm moving today.  More specifically, movers are coming today to move all my furniture to a different house.  The moving process has been underway for some time, and I've got the aches and pains to prove it.   I've taken 14 loads of donations to Goodwill in the past week and a half, and at least 12 loads to my new house over the past couple of weeks.  I got rid of a bunch of furniture through Facebook Marketplace, all of which has happened over the last few days.  Last night, I looked around the house, and was struck by the empty spaces and the piled-up boxes.  I felt a twinge of dread.  It hit me that it was the last night I would spend in the place where my kids grew up, my mother passed away, and where I have spent the last three years remaking my life.    I had a hard time falling asleep with all the memories swirling around in my mind. It turns out, even the change we have longed for can be difficult when it becomes a reality. ...

 The  fifty days of Easter   Resurrection isn’t something that happened—it’s always happening.   Now What?   This series will help us learn what it means to live as Resurrection people.   Today, we are going to read a story about two followers of Jesus who encountered him on a long walk, but didn’t see him until they were ready.   CHRIST APPEARS WHEN WE ARE READY TO SEE Luke 24:15-35 13 Now on that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles[a] from Jerusalem, 14 and talking with each other about all these things that had happened. 15 While they were talking and discussing, Jesus himself came near and went with them, 16 but their eyes were kept from recognizing him.  Two of Jesus’ followers are getting out of Jerusalem: Cleopas & Wife? They encounter Jesus on the road - but don’t recognize him.   17 And he said to them, “What are you discussing with each other while you walk along?” They stood still, ...

Finding and pursuing your purpose in life is one of the greatest and most intrinsic longings that we humans have.  Each of us longs to live a life that matters, no matter what we might believe about God and God's direction for us.   Those of us who believe in Divine plans might call this "doing God's will," or something to that effect, but the desire to fulfill that longing to find purpose and meaning in the life we've been given is shared by all of us.  The problem we all face, however, is that we have so many conflicting suggestions about how to pursue purpose and meaning, and it is often difficult to discover why we've been put on this earth in the first place.   We spend so much of our lives looking ahead—toward the next goal, the next achievement, the next stage where we believe life will finally feel meaningful. Purpose, we assume, is waiting for us somewhere “up there,” just beyond our current reach. But what if purpose isn’t found at the summit? Wha...

I was thinking this morning about Jesus' command to love our enemies, and I realized I didn't like the notion of having any.  The fact that there might be people out there who considered me an enemy, or an opponent was disconcerting.  I like to imagine that I'm not the kind of person who someone would despise, but I know there are probably a few folks who do, for whatever reason.   The truth of the matter is, most of us do have people in our lives who don't care for us.  And maybe these same people have said or done things to hurt us. We might be able to get our heads around the idea of forgiving these people, because we don't want to walk around filled with bitterness about it.   But loving them?  That seems like a bridge too far, doesn't it?   Loving our enemies may be one of the most difficult teachings Jesus ever gave us. In the Sermon on the Mount, he says plainly, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:...

I once had a friend tell me that if everyone in my congregation agreed with me, I probably had created a cult and not a church.  I find a small amount of comfort in that when I have seasons when the critics come out of the woodwork.  Churches that aren't willing to pursue some holy imagination tend to lose their ability to dream, and when that happens, death follows.  We change or die, according to the poet Wendell Berry, and it's not always warm and fuzzy as we do it.   But not everyone embraces change easily, and when people become anxious, they often channel that anxiety into criticism, some of which can be pointed and hurtful.   Winston Churchill once wrote:   “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body; it calls attention to the development of an unhealthy state of things. If it is heeded in time, danger may be averted; if it is suppressed, a fatal distemper may develop." ...

The last four years of my life have been filled with heartbreak, disorientation, loss, grief, battles with depression, and struggles to hold on to faith in the middle of despair.   Thankfully, there were also plenty of good things, too.   I've learned some invaluable lessons over the past few years.  I've learned to focus more on what matters most, and that love is the most powerful force in the universe.  I've learned that you can find peace in the middle of some of the worst things if you are willing to surrender your outcomes.   And I've learned that when everything shatters, there is beauty in the brokenness that can be remade and become something even more beautiful than you could have ever imagined.   It's not an easy process to pick up the pieces of what was broken, mind you.  I'm still learning as I go, but there was a quote I read at some point in the middle of all of the mess I was surrounded by that has stuck with me:...

Yesterday, I started the long drive from Austin to Florida, driving my dad's car as part of his moving back there after nearly ten years in Texas.  I left after church and had a hard time driving through torrential downpours, traffic accidents, road work, and other obstacles.  At one point, the rain near Houston was so bad that I couldn't see beyond a hundred yards or so in front of me, and could barely see the lane markers on the road.  It was a disorienting and tense experience that left me exhausted.  I was reflecting on that experience this morning, and it occurred to me why so many of us long for certainty in our lives, and why it's so difficult when uncertainty threatens to blur our vision for the way forward in life's journeys.   When our long-held beliefs, plans for our lives, and our understanding of meaning and purpose are turned upside down, the uncertainty that follows can be as disorienting and exhausting as driving through blinding, driving ra...