Presby-Musings

I'm having one of those days when it feels like I have a lot more questions than answers when it comes to God.   My training and education tell me that I am processing loss--struggling through it, searching for answers.  I've read the books and taken the classes on all of this--six years worth of higher level learning.   But then again, nothing teaches like experience.   I've had my fair share of shouting matches with God over the years.  In a strange way, I feel like God likes it when we get angry and mix it up with God.  Maybe it's just me, but I've always felt  heard after one of my angry tirades with the Almighty.   Over the past few months, however, I have found that I can't seem to summon the energy to be truly angry or to lament to God about my struggles.  I started to feel like the answers weren't going to come--at least not in the way I wanted them.   I felt like God had gone silent on t...

I know about depression.  Several years ago, I was struggling with direction and purpose and found myself angry most of the time.  I also found that I didn't really want to muster the energy to do the most basic things--like get out of bed or go to work or to school.   I spent a lot of time playing video games and sleeping.  When I had to, I would "gird up my loins" as the Bible puts it, and be present where I was supposed to be present.  And then I would be exhausted.  Finally, I decided to see a therapist.  I didn't tell anyone that I knew except for my wife, who basically gave me an ultimatum before I agreed to go.  She'd had enough, and I didn't blame her.  I saw a therapist once a week for a year.  I missed a few sessions in the beginning and he had to get tough with me.  When he threatened not to see me again if I blew off another session, I buckled down and saw it through to the end.  At the end of that year...