Go To The Person

 

“Peace is not merely the absence of some negative force—war, tensions, confusion—but it is the presence of some positive force—justice, goodwill and brotherhood.” —Martin Luther King Jr.

Some years ago, I was working on a sermon on reconciliation and forgiveness when the message landed hard on me before I could even preach it. 

After twenty years and hundreds of sermon preparations, you'd think that I wouldn't be surprised when that happens, but it still floors me when it occurs.  

The idea of the sermon was that there couldn't be any reconciliation in our broken relationships if there wasn't truth spoken into why they were broken in the first place.  

Inconveniently, some of the truth that needed to be spoken was that most of the time, we played a part in the brokenness despite our narratives of being the injured party.  

In that moment, I thought of a long relationship with a former friend that ended poorly.  I'd felt a great deal of betrayal and hurt over it for years, and was sure I was justified in never wanting to talk to him again.  

Then this verse came to mind where Jesus tells his followers what to do when they have issues with others: 

“If your brother or sister sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone.” (Matthew 18:15)

Jesus' advice sounds remarkably simple.

If you have a problem with someone, go to the person.

Not around them.

Not behind them.

Not to everyone else first.

Go to them.

Of course, simple doesn't mean easy.

When someone hurts or disappoints us, our natural instinct is often to avoid the uncomfortable conversation. We replay what happened in our minds. We assume motives. We talk to people who already agree with us. Sometimes we begin collecting evidence that confirms our version of the story.

Jesus offers another way.

Go to the person.

Why?

Because Jesus isn't primarily interested in determining who wins the argument. Jesus is interested in restoring relationships.

“If the person listens to you,” Jesus says, “you have regained that one.”

Notice the goal: regaining the person.

That's very different from proving them wrong.

Jesus' approach requires courage because genuine reconciliation means entering conversations with enough humility to admit that we may not understand everything. It means listening as well as speaking. It means telling the truth without abandoning love.

Of course, reconciliation isn't always possible or appropriate. Healthy boundaries matter, particularly where abuse or danger exists. Sometimes faithfulness requires distance.

But whenever reconciliation is possible, followers of Jesus should be among the people willing to pursue it.

Our world rewards outrage. Social media encourages instant judgment. Our culture increasingly teaches us to sort people into categories of friend or enemy.

Jesus keeps putting human beings back in front of us.

People with stories.

People with wounds.

People made in the image of God.

Perhaps that is why Jesus concludes this teaching with the promise, “Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”

Christ is present whenever people courageously gather in his name seeking truth, healing, and reconciliation.

Sometimes one of the most Christlike things we can do is simply walk across the room and begin a conversation.

Let me finish the story I started with. I decided to listen to my own sermon, and I reached out to my former friend.  I named the things that had caused us to stop being friends, owned my part, and told him I wanted to make it right.  

I'd like to say that we are fast friends to this day, but that didn't happen.  What did happen was we both had a chance to let go of whatever bitterness we held, and to be at peace with one another. 

So, if you thinking about a broken relationship right now, and wondering what to do about it, remember this: 

You very well might need to make the first move. 

Prayer

Lord Jesus, give me courage to seek reconciliation where relationships have been wounded. Guard me from gossip and assumptions. Help me speak truth with love, listen with humility, and see every person as someone created in your image. Amen.

Reflection Questions

1. Is there someone I have been talking about when I should be talking with them?
2. What would it mean for restoration, rather than victory, to become my goal?
3. Is there a conversation God may be inviting me to begin?