Making Peace With What Cannot Be Changed

 

“Acceptance doesn't mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there's got to be a way through it.”
— Michael J. Fox

When life doesn't turn out the way you thought it would, there is typically a fair amount of grief that goes along with it.  

As I mentioned in my previous Devo, I  experienced this after my mom passed away, which carried an enormous amount of grief in itself, but then her passing was followed by a realization that the life I'd planned so carefully in my mind wasn't going to unfold. 

What followed were years of struggle with the sadness of it all, and I didn't face it all that well, to be honest.  

I found myself trying to bury the sadness in all sorts of unhealthy and unhelpful ways.  I spent too much money, ate and drank whatever I pleased, didn't take care of my mental health very well, nor my physical health, for that matter.  

The greatest challenge I faced throughout it all was learning to accept how things turned out and to find a new way forward into what God ultimately had in store for me.  

I spent five years going to therapy, Al-Anon meetings, working with a Life Coach, and doing anything else I could think of to find my way.  But in the end, it came down to surrender, acceptance, and making peace with what had happened before I could move forward.  

One of the hardest spiritual tasks is learning to accept what cannot be changed.

Acceptance is often misunderstood. Many people hear the word and think it means giving up. But acceptance is not surrendering to despair. It is acknowledging reality honestly enough that healing can begin.

As long as we insist that life should have unfolded differently, we remain trapped in a battle with the past.

The Apostle Paul understood this tension. He carried his own disappointments, hardships, and unanswered prayers. Yet he eventually wrote, “I have learned to be content with whatever I have” (Philippians 4:11).

Notice the word learned.

Contentment did not arrive automatically.

It emerged through experience, struggle, and trust.

Michael J. Fox's insight reminds us that acceptance is not passive. It is active engagement with reality. It is the decision to stop fighting what cannot be changed so that we can focus on what still remains possible.

The wisdom of Scripture often points in this direction. Again and again, God's people face circumstances they would never have chosen. Exile. Loss. Uncertainty. Waiting.

Yet within those circumstances, God continues working.

Acceptance creates space for grace.

It allows us to stop measuring our lives solely against what we expected and begin appreciating what is actually present.

This does not erase grief.

But it does prevent grief from becoming permanent captivity.

The sacred work of healing often begins when we stop asking, “Why didn't life turn out differently?” and start asking, “How can I live faithfully now?”

That question opens the door to hope.

And I can honestly say that what God had in store for me was something I could never have imagined when I was in the midst of struggle.  I have rediscovered love, peace, and joy. 

I've also learned to hold on to hope because there is more on the other side of the grief and sadness.  

So much more.  

Prayer

God of grace, help me accept the realities I cannot change. Give me wisdom to distinguish between what must be released and what can still be transformed. Teach me to live faithfully in the life I have, rather than remaining trapped in the life I expected. Amen.

Reflection Questions

1. What reality are you finding difficult to accept?
2. How might acceptance differ from giving up?
3. What opportunities for growth or healing remain available to you today?