The Trap Of Worrying What Others Think

I like to think that I don't care all that much what people think of me. In truth, the older I get, the less time I spend worrying about that kind of thing, but once in a while, a stray comment will get to me. 

It happened recently after I posted a short video clip from a sermon I preached a couple of weeks ago to my social media feeds.  The comment came from a brave soul who would never say to my face what they posted in relative anonymity.  

The critique was not about the content of my sermon clip, which I would have easily brushed off; instead, the critic took aim at my appearance, commenting that the glasses I was wearing were a vain attempt on my part to be a "hipster preacher."  

That one stung.  I rather like the glasses that I was wearing in the video.  They're white and go with just about everything.  I get they are unconventional and distinctive, but to level an accusation of hipsterism at me was just low, man. 

I stewed over that for a day or two, and then came to the realization that the way this stranger's comment got to me was less about them and almost all about me.  I got over it, in other words.  But here I am, still reflecting on how such a thing can happen.  

The 13th-century poet Rumi once wrote something incredibly profound that resonates with me today: 

“Half of life is lost in charming others.
The other half is lost in going through anxieties caused by others.
Leave this play. You have played enough.”

So much of our energy can be consumed by worrying about how others perceive us. We polish our words, adjust our appearance, and sometimes even silence our true selves in hopes of gaining approval. 

Yet, this endless performance becomes a spinning wheel for the soul—round and round it goes, never arriving at peace. Rumi’s words cut to the heart of this trap: when we live for the approval of others, we lose ourselves twice—once in striving to charm, and again in being weighed down by their judgments.

Jesus himself asked, “How can you believe since you accept glory from one another but do not seek the glory that comes from the only God?” (John 5:44). Our identity is not rooted in the fleeting applause of people but in the unwavering love of God. 

Paul reminds us in Galatians 1:10:  “Am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? ... If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” 

When our lives are built on God’s acceptance, we are free to live authentically, even imperfectly, without fear of being unloved.

The danger of constant people-pleasing is that we forget who God created us to be. In presenting a polished false self, we may gain approval, but we lose touch with the soul God formed in love. The good news is that God cherishes us in all our messiness. We don’t have to prove, perform, or persuade. We are already beloved.

Step away from the exhausting need to curate your life for others. Rest instead in the truth: you are wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Let that be enough.

Prayer:
God of truth and love, free me from the endless need to seek approval from others. Remind me that I am already enough in Your eyes. Help me to live authentically, trusting that I am deeply loved and cherished by You. Amen.

Reflection Questions:

1. In what areas of your life do you feel trapped by the need for others’ approval?

2. How might trusting more deeply in God’s love free you to live more authentically?

3. What practices can you embrace this week to step away from the “performance” and rest in being your true self?