The Transforming Power of Civility

The ability to engage in actual, reasonable, and civil discourse in our culture is becoming a thing of the past.  

It's been heading this way for a long time now, fueled by the constant barrage of uncivil engagement on social media (where far too many people are internet-brave and feel like they can be as nasty as they want to be), and the intentionally provocative "opinion" hosts on cable news. 

And also most politicians, 98% of whom seem to lack any shred of civility at all.  

We live in an age of bullies and narcissists, where poor behavior is rewarded with clicks and likes, and so many of us have begun to emulate the behavior we see modeled by those who want to keep us angry at one another.  

One of the many life lessons that I have had to learn the hard way is that bullies and narcissists (which are synonymous terms most of the time) will generally play the victim after they've needled, goaded, and antagonized you into finally reacting against them.  

It wears you out in the end, and most of us feel tired as we see the world around us becoming increasingly divided.  

And our world today definitely feels frayed, torn apart by divisions—political, cultural, even spiritual. Words often become weapons, and disagreements harden into walls. 

I recently read a quote that serves as a reminder, both simple and profound. It speaks to how we have lost the ability to see the truth about our shared humanity, and what we can do to find it again: 

“Civility is not what we do because we agree with one another. It is what we do because we belong to one another.” (Diane Kalen-Sukra).

This statement cuts to the heart of our calling as people of faith. Civility does not require uniformity of thought. It does not erase differences. Rather, it acknowledges a deeper truth: that we are bound together by our shared humanity and, even more, by our Creator. We belong to one another because we all bear the image of God (Genesis 1:27).

The Bible calls us to this way of living again and again. The Apostle Paul wrote, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). That is not a call to agreement, but to peace. 

It requires humility, patience, and the ability to listen more than we speak. Proverbs tells us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). Civility, in other words, can be a balm to wounds that harshness only deepens.

Civility is not weakness—it is strength under control. Jesus Himself embodied this when He responded to hostility not with violence, but with truth spoken in love. At the Last Supper, He prayed that His followers would be one (John 17:21), not because they were alike, but because their unity would show the world God’s love.

In an age where insults travel faster than compassion, choosing civility is an act of courage and discipleship. Every online post, every conversation with a neighbor, every moment of disagreement is an opportunity to reflect Christ’s light. When we practice civility, we create space for healing, reconciliation, and hope.

So today, may you choose civility—not because you must agree with everyone, but because you belong to them, and they to you, in God’s great family. Bring light into dark places. Let peace begin with you.

Prayer
Gracious God, teach me to be gentle with my words and kind in my actions. Help me to see others not as enemies but as brothers and sisters created in Your image. May my life be a witness to Your peace and my heart a vessel of Your love. Amen.

Reflection Questions

1. Where in my life do I struggle most to practice civility, and why?

2. How can I embody Romans 12:18 in a world that thrives on conflict?

3. What practical step can I take today to bring healing and light through civility?