What To Do When You Have A Crisis Of Faith
Up until that time I would have self-identified as a (moderately) conservative evangelical Christian pastor.
But I had a sudden and shocking blow to my beliefs that came out of the blue early on an Easter Sunday morning as I was driving to church, and practicing my sermon in the car.
I remember pausing my recitation of what I was going to preach later and feeling the frigid wash of doubt wash over me like a bracingly cold ocean wave. When I regained my breath, I actually whispered out loud: "I don't know if any of this is true."
Before that moment I had been certain about everything. I was certain about what I believed, certain about who I was, and what I was put on earth to do. Afterward, I found myself unmoored, lost, and scared to death.
There's this poem by A.R. Ammons that sums up how I felt in the weeks and months after that tectonic shift:
to go and
nowhere to go
when I get
back from there.
3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Romans 5:3-5, NIV)