Blind Doubt, Wide-Eyed Faith
When I "grew up" and left home at the ripe old age of eighteen, I was so full of doubts regarding my faith I didn't really know what I believed any longer. I remember once saying out loud, "God, I don't believe you exist." and I was actually disappointed when I wasn't struck with a bolt of lightning.
Little did I know that my speaking uncertainty about God into the world, was a perfectly normal and honest act of Christian discipleship. I thought I had violated the worst rule you could violate as a Christian. I'd been taught my whole life that the one thing you never, ever, ever doubt was God. So when I started doing just that--I decided the whole system of belief that I'd once held dear was in question. So I left it.
As it turns out, I may have left my faith, but it didn't entirely leave me. I found my way back--although it wasn't to the same place I once was, thanks be to God. But many people experience doubts about God, faith, Jesus, the whole Christian experience and then turn away from it forever. When faced with the uncertainty of doubts in their belief, they prefer the "certainty" of disbelief over what they might call "blind faith."
Faith--honest faith--isn't blind. It is wide-eyed--frightened, freaked out, adrenalized, uncertain, jumping into thin air, but wide-eyed. Doubt isn't unnatural, it isn't shameful and it isn't something that you should avoid. But it's not always the best companion.
Doubt keeps you from leaping. Doubt keeps you circling the cul-de-sac. Doubt can haunt you and keep you from fully becoming the person you long to be. But you don't have to be haunted by your doubts. You can be free.
This week I'll be continuing the sermon series entitled, "Haunted." If you or someone you love have struggled with doubts, or are haunted by them even now--you will definitely want to be here Sunday! You can also tune in and watch the sermon live by clicking HERE