When "No" Is The Most Faithful Word

 

Scripture: “But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” — Luke 5:16

Some years ago, when I was a pastor in Florida, I attended a ministry conference in Chicago, in the middle of February.  I knew what I was getting into weather-wise, having lived in Chicago for 4 years, and I knew the conference was going to be amazing, so I was undeterred.   

I was in the middle of a day-long workshop on preaching when my cell phone began to blow up with one of my elders trying to reach me.  He kept calling and texting incessantly, so I finally stepped outside to call him back. 

He didn't even say hello.  Instead, he asked me angrily, "Are you really at a conference?! I can't believe you would go to a conference in February!"  I calmly told him that many conferences for pastors take place in February, after Christmas and before Easter.  

"I think it's irresponsible to leave town when all of our winter members are returning from up North.  You should know better than that."  

I thought of a dozen things I wanted to say to this guy in the three seconds I took to reply, but wisely decided against all of them.  "I'm not going to talk to you about this right now," I said.  "But when I get back, I definitely want to meet with you."  

We did, in fact, meet when I got back. It was a difficult conversation, but in the end, he did apologize for being unprofessional and hostile.  And I got to tell him that by saying "No" to some things, I was able to say "Yes" to a whole lot more.  

One missed Sunday gave me the chance to gain a year's worth of ideas and training.   

We are often taught, implicitly or explicitly, that love means constant availability. We fear that saying no means letting someone down, failing God, or appearing selfish. 

Yet Jesus — the most loving person who ever lived — repeatedly stepped away, rested, refused demands, and said no when saying yes would have compromised His calling, His energy, or His alignment with the Father.

Jesus left crowds waiting, declined to operate on others’ timelines, and refused to perform miracles to prove Himself. His boundaries were never about avoiding people — they were about protecting purpose, presence, and spiritual clarity. Love without boundaries becomes resentment; ministry without rest becomes depletion; compassion without rhythm becomes burnout.

You have permission to step back, to let the phone ring, to take a Sabbath, to listen to your limits, to rest before you crash, and to pray before you commit. Boundaries are not walls that keep others out but fences that help us steward our lives.

A holy no creates space for a deeper yes — yes to health, prayer, discernment, calling, and peace.

Prayer

God who rests, teach us that boundaries are not failure but faithfulness. Give us the courage to say yes only when it aligns with your will and no when it protects the life you entrusted to us. Amen.

Reflection Questions

1. Where in your life is God nudging you to create healthier boundaries?

2. What fear holds you back from saying no?

3. How might a boundary actually deepen love?